The memoirs of a rider

I want to be completely honest here, as a child, no one ever say's they wanna become a junkie when they grow up, coming from a addictive family, i hated the real fact that my father was absent, and never gave a fuck about me, he wandered in when i was little and left just as quiet as he walked in, i saw him briefly when i was about 7 for the last time, he just showed up at my aunt's house like it was the thing to do, asking how my grandmother and mother were, and asking if i knew who he was, i have very vague memories of him, but answered yes, partly being hopeful that he would come back and be what most other kids had, a father that was active in their lives, and mostly a father that really loved them. As he left he gave me $ 5 and promised he'd return the very next week, and we'd work on really being a family, deep down i hoped he'd honor his promise he never did i cried myself to sleep for months following that short visit. I always questioned myself that maybe i had done something to push me away, or never love me like i deserved, all i truly knew was i did deserve something a father that truly did love me, i remember that on my 10 th Christmas i wrote Santa a letter and attached was a very short, in fact 1 item for my wish list all i asked for was him to come back and give me a chance to make up for my mistake that i had caused him, truthfully it wasn't a mistake that i did, it was his love for heroin that ruined my life and my family's life. i remember crying myself to sleep at night, and promising myself that i would never be anything like him and that i would be better than him at whatever i ever did, i was 10 that was the year i started smoking weed, and the rest would start becoming a reality, i went to dr's and anger management counselors, weekly for a while, then i guess my mother figured nothing was working, and i stopped going to see my counselor. All that really helped was reading and drawing, in my books i could escape and be the lucky kid that had a real family, a rich artist that could do whatever he wanted, and had it all.The only thing he ever gave me was a lifetime of tears, and a destiny to meet up with the addiction, that he offered. and it came true, this is my story from broken to addicted, and all the damage that it caused . The memoirs of a rider.