Grateful for the past

Grateful for the past

I know that in some odd kinda way this might sound weird,  grateful for the past, the past is just that the past, the place where you hid your secrets, as you did the deed. A time where we were so very lucky that technology as we know it today had no hope to succeed , for if it did most of our creative generation would be still living behind bars. But as i think about just what i want to write i tell myself how fortunate that we really were and i say this because i have noticed that the generation of today can build you a house outta recycled goods but sadly struggle at even the simplest of things as opening a can by hand, but otherwise could school you on where to get that, and how to open a successful business from your parents garage.I so loved to read, write and draw as a child the power it gave me was comparable to none, i remember my nana telling me as a young child just how important it was for knowledge was power and could bring right to the wrong, could give a voice to your people, and their needs let them be known.but sadly as i grew up and thru the power of experimenting with gangs and drugs let those gifts that were given to me as a child slip slowly from my hands, seems the only time i wrote or read was when i was locked up, no reasons on just why, how could it be that something that brought me so much joy growing up now suddenly look so uncool. I was always kinda leery about letting people into my area, where i learned to survive, maybe for fear that it would look as a sign of weakness that a man enjoyed those things such as i. Later on in my teenage years i met someone so different almost like a kindred spirit from within my inside, she had the looks of a goddess, long  beautiful hair that would make most girls cry, and yet so graceful and easy on the eyes. Alas friends don't make a judgement call without knowing what she held inside the same woman that was so appealing on the eyes would cut your throat without batting an eye. The power that she possessed was that she cared not of your thoughts of her, hurry along go die, she had the gift of compassion and if you were her friend than surely she'd help asking no reason on why, we would talk many hours late into the night on many things, our thoughts on everything no reasons exactly just why. As time would have it she drifted from along my side, to times i would think of her, and feel the urge to cry, she gave many thoughts, and new ideas to try, urging me to worry not of what others would think, let the good deeds come from within me, and for doing these things surely i would not die, if others didn't understand me fuck em i'd still be alright. My better half of which i speak of and write. Many years passed and as i stated at times i would think of her and wonder how she was, and where she was at in her life. Oddly so that after all these years fate would once again bring her back to my side, at first i was leery, scared from within inside but  as we reconnected and as we spoke she remembered so much of the things we discussed as young kids , she was still the same just as i, we learned to be friends once again and speak of our childhood from time to time, i consider her a cherished friend a gift from the times gone by. a person i can speak to and get the nonjudgmental honest thoughts on whatever subject i seek knowledge of the true power my friends is in educating oneself, by reading, writing, becoming knowledgeable and being able to act, not think if times need arise, For so many years while living thru my demons in my worst of my active addiction did i remember how to cry, i was a product of addiction a lost hope that would surely die, by the grace of god i found a reason to once again matter, forgive what i could and to put some goodness back into my life, a voice that i had forgotten, that never uttered or whispered much less attempted to speak. thru the power of recovery i have learned that it really doesn't matter from where you come only when you finally arrive. bring your message of hope, your story to be told otherwise it would die. Be part of the solution, not the problem, if you do nothing to tell the people on where you've been and what changed for you, to get once again on the path of right, you should never wonder or ask yourself why no one knows your story of struggles. When it all comes down to it, i hold her somewhat responsible for the ability to once again find my voice speak and be heard for adding words of encouragement guiding me in the right way, the gift of recovery is not one we  just keep at our side for the power of recovery is giving back, helping others that are in need as we were once. So that completes today's daily thoughts truthful yet at times all over the slippery road, fast and erratic speeds of unknown, so until next time i gather the strength to write what i really think of things past and of now, the power of recovery amazes us all my name is Bobby Rio i am a true survivor of a life of addiction, i will remain silent no more. 

New Day

New Day New Direction

Once again, my mind is scrambling i'm always going to fast, not by the use of drugs just the way i'm wired. Anyways i am always thinking about 10 different things all at once, and over analyzing everything in between and even the shit hat doesn't matter

i'm dead set on writing this small book, on all the places i went wrong from gangs,addiction,prison,recovery,and what recovery did to me opened a new world up to me that of photography, all i can get, and more, we all know that life is given, but tomorrow is never promised, so i got some catching up to do, before it all comes to an end one day, i will have this book written most likely in daily pieces all adding up in the end. my life, what i saw, what i learned, what i felt, and what i took, finally what i gave back, if for what ever reason at least someone will be able to read it and have a basic understanding of what i could never understand, my wiring how is it i can know so much, but in reality know nothing at all, i am guessing it is far better to have a basic knowledge of many things, then in reality know nothing at all. The daily thoughts and words of an addict becoming real, making a mark, using his voice, and finally shedding some light on the wonders of the world, i say this now i don't ever again wanna live like that again, wondering if i had done this.. how would it of turned out..  if i did this and..   no fuck that go for broke man tell it like it is, lets rock this place, if only for today and maybe tomorrow my thoughts and from where they started and where they ended, and all that i did, all that i said, let it be written, let it be noted, so let it be


so again i say this until tomorrow when i gather enough courage to keep it totally real and not care of what thoughts, will be thoughts either understood but known, all the things that give me purpose, what good is being able to speak if all you do is think and whisper, say it like it is, and tell the world were you've been, for without no story will ever be told.living thru addiction, accepting recovery, and rebuilding your life, and finally make the mind once again sane. so until tomorrow i'm out peace.  B.R

Holidays always hit the hardest..

Holidays always hit the hardest, at least for me they do, i am grateful, truly grateful that i was granted another chance at life, a life that needs no substance illegal or legal, that the only power that i need comes from a digital camera and my creativity, to be honest i would of never ever dreamed of finding a gift that no one can place a momentary value to it, nothing compares to finding a passion, that i enjoy and that it won't end with me going to a cell, or another prison, photography is my recovery, i share all that i am not able to confess, and all that i don't know how to explain, thru my images, it has done wonders for me, and my self esteem. as i stated i would of never thought that i'd take to it as a duck does to water, i find my creativity thru the things that i shoot, and the ideas that i obtain, making it all work, and the end result being of a somewhat happy medium. No 2 pictures are the same although they might resemble one another, every photographer can tell the difference or remember key elements about the image that was shot or the location that was used, odd but i am a believer , once i looked at someones instagram, saw a few pictures that looked alot like mine, but i have shot over 100 k pictures and have over 80 k saved on an external drive, a usb, drive, and saved 2 times on the cloud, a proof version which is the completely edited version, without my watermark. anyways after viewing those 2 pictures, i went on a mad dash to the cloud, and sure enough they were both shot by me, without no watermark, either early on in my passion, or before i cared about what was actually my intellectual property , as i do now, i see my images and without photo credit, or watermark comment on the comment section, acknowledging my work, to see where they stand as if by mistake or by intention. I can't help it honestly i'd rather be at home editing my pictures, then to be out doing nothing. consoling my hearts love with what i created. it helps to keep me somewhat balanced, and going in the right direction. For me it works. Seek and you shall find either by accident or simply by need this concludes my daily thoughts as i transpire them from thoughts to written and spoken words, a process not so simple, but i am amazed at the ease of it when it comes to my thoughts, i make do, as the photography comes into play, so does the creative mind.

From the place that active addiction took, and from the place that recovery gave. This is the voice that i found, and will not be silcenced.

Every now and again, we must remind ourselves just exactly from where we come from,  and realize that thru all our trials and tribulations that life bestowed upon us, it didn't go to waste, it finally paid off, and slowly we are starting to see, what we already knew to be fact, that we were meant for greater things, that maybe only the lord saw at the time, we were created, i always knew that i felt so at ease lost in my drug addiction but at the same time completely outta my place, what i find the most amazing part is that we could be so comfortable, and not so comfortable in that same place, i'm referring to the daily struggles that i battled on a daily basis, for well over 35 years while deeply lost in my active addiction, and i am starting to notice the little things in life that we were told as children, by our parents, grandparents, friends and loved ones, keep you're head up, sometimes as i recall vaguely bout things my nana would remind of consistently as growing up, then tell myself silently she was correct, i never knew just what other purpose that i had in life waiting for me, just that i had something waiting on me, all i had to do was either to prepare to battle my addictions like i never knew was humanly even possible, just that i had saw some that came outta the gutter, and called the same streets home much as i did. Or become what every other person already was whispering behind my back...that i was indeed a verified statistic . A name that would only be remembered by only a small group of people if at even that at all. In the book that they referred to me, i would only be mentioned by the case number, or the numbers that the state issued me. a member of the distinguished nobody's hero club. Well not me brother, that after many failed attempts, and so many lost years, i'd either get it right, or be that group of numbers, that they all said was true. And these weird and odd things that somehow come outta what i like to refer as part of my journey, chapter one...  The Lost Years..

In closing to the daily words that i write here, admitting that yes i was once part of the lost, and now professing that i am also part of the worthy, ask my honestly what works, as i mutter from under my breath, if only i knew, but i can honestly answer but i know what doesn't.. Everybody's journey starts out the same, but ends out entirely different, if we just believe, if you're still out there, lost, and all alone, if you can remember that there are many others of us out there and we are only as far as our minds allow us to think, or as close as the nearest call for help, nothing to be ashamed of, at one time we were there as maybe you are now, keep the faith my brothers and sisters, for within us all, are the answers, that we all so desperately need to find.. Till next time i gather the courage from within, and from the voice that learned to find.

My name is Bobby Rio and i am a survivor.

#onedayatatime #wecanrecover #recoverygives #addictiononlytakes

I think it's more about the thought that goes into deciding just how are you gonna approach it, without forgetting from where you came, and doing everything in your personal power to stay on the right side of the road, recovery is a daily issue no 2 days the same, always deciding what to do ahead of even doing it, not a simple task, if only i knew what i know now, back then i woulda saved myself and all involved with me some sleepless nights. but truthfully i haven't been able to say today i'm clean and sober in well close to 35 years, new experiences daily, i am lucky to even be here today, many have lost their battle with addiction, i'm proud to say that i am a survivor, and the words i share belong to me, the thoughts are mine, the action is learned daily, if you ask me what works, honestly i couldn't tell you, but i can tell you what fucking doesn't. if i can be of service and help anybody that is going thru addiction and the issues that come with it, that thru my mistakes, i can help guide them to safety, then i am doing something right, one could say i'm rich, not in the financial way of course, in other ways. What more could i ask for then to be able to live once again and growing daily , seeing things that i hadn't seen in many years, in pursuit of this thing they call recovery, a chance to live right, and make up for all the years that i was a burden to society and my fellow mankind, today by the grace of God, i'm free.

 A life without substances is the furthest thing that i ever thought i could somehow make a reality, first i gave up the drugs, been 5 years and some change, then i gave up drinking, seemed to always be my security crutch. i don't need it anyway, has been a bit harder than i thought but so far so good 10 months and change, trying to give it an honest try and shoot for a year clean and sober, see what happens, every time someone chimes in with you can't do this or you can't do that makes me wanna complete the task even more to prove to them, besides myself yes i can, it adds fuel to my fire. If at worst that i can offer help thru my mistakes to others, showing them it is all possible, if you want it bad enough. I think back to the day someone told me the grass would be greener on my side as well if i'd only water it, at first i never paid it no mind but it is true, it is greener now, i'm finally becoming a real person once again, not just an addict lost in his addiction, for now i can see light at the end of the tunnels, from where there were none prior. It isn't an easy task, but i guess that what makes it obtainable, if it was so easy then everybody would be doing it. This is the proving grounds to any addict  such as myself so as like the phoenix arose to from ashes so shall i, and i have risen from the ashes to claim what is rightfully mine, a life without substances that clog my mind, a life being of service, to all who come after me, an example that shows that it can be done, and a life of freedom that i haven't known in well over 35 years. A chance at fixing the broken pieces that remain inside of me, for i would rather have visible cracks than broken shards of pottery that were once intact. An honest try at reworking the damage that addiction took from me, i see the progress sometimes more than at times but still visible for the naked eye to see. It's a slow journey, i'm often unsure of the direction i'm moving but in the right direction not backwards, from where i've been. A dream that is slowly coming true, all i need is faith, and guidance, showing me the way to the promised land.   that is all of my thoughts for today, tomorrow i come back stronger and will look for more of life's goals to seek and obtain, and while picking up the skills that i've found and releasing the garbage that once held me down, i am a human being, and i deserve respect, and the only sure way to get that respect is to conquer all of what has held me down, and keep moving forward, i can't tell you what works, but i can truly tell you what fucking doesn't. thought of the day, broken crayons all color the same...

bucket list

1:  Write at least 1 page daily at minimum towards my project,

The memoirs of a rider:

2: Write thoughts as well as poetry towards my project,

From addiction and incarceration to being reborn, a life without substances.

3: stay on top of my recovery, never forgetting from where i came, and always remembering just how easy it would be to go right back to that hell.