A life without substances is the furthest thing that i ever thought i could somehow make a reality, first i gave up the drugs, been 5 years and some change, then i gave up drinking, seemed to always be my security crutch. i don't need it anyway, has been a bit harder than i thought but so far so good 10 months and change, trying to give it an honest try and shoot for a year clean and sober, see what happens, every time someone chimes in with you can't do this or you can't do that makes me wanna complete the task even more to prove to them, besides myself yes i can, it adds fuel to my fire. If at worst that i can offer help thru my mistakes to others, showing them it is all possible, if you want it bad enough. I think back to the day someone told me the grass would be greener on my side as well if i'd only water it, at first i never paid it no mind but it is true, it is greener now, i'm finally becoming a real person once again, not just an addict lost in his addiction, for now i can see light at the end of the tunnels, from where there were none prior. It isn't an easy task, but i guess that what makes it obtainable, if it was so easy then everybody would be doing it. This is the proving grounds to any addict  such as myself so as like the phoenix arose to from ashes so shall i, and i have risen from the ashes to claim what is rightfully mine, a life without substances that clog my mind, a life being of service, to all who come after me, an example that shows that it can be done, and a life of freedom that i haven't known in well over 35 years. A chance at fixing the broken pieces that remain inside of me, for i would rather have visible cracks than broken shards of pottery that were once intact. An honest try at reworking the damage that addiction took from me, i see the progress sometimes more than at times but still visible for the naked eye to see. It's a slow journey, i'm often unsure of the direction i'm moving but in the right direction not backwards, from where i've been. A dream that is slowly coming true, all i need is faith, and guidance, showing me the way to the promised land.   that is all of my thoughts for today, tomorrow i come back stronger and will look for more of life's goals to seek and obtain, and while picking up the skills that i've found and releasing the garbage that once held me down, i am a human being, and i deserve respect, and the only sure way to get that respect is to conquer all of what has held me down, and keep moving forward, i can't tell you what works, but i can truly tell you what fucking doesn't. thought of the day, broken crayons all color the same...