i've lived i've learned

I've loved, i've lost, i've learned, i know as a child we never think that addiction will end up being a part of our lives, but for some it does, i never dreamed that my life would be filled so full of up's and downs, but it has been. From the addiction came the pain, thru the pain came incarceration as well as the separation from everyone, and everything i ever loved  in my life. I destroyed and pushed any and all who were ever so lucky to cross my path, i burned and danced across every bridge i came upon, i can't even think back that far to a time when i was drug free, much less sober, early teens would be my best guess, anyways thru those years i did manage to do a few things right.  Many times i tried to pick up the pieces, but somehow they always fell outta my arms in the process, Finally i learned Empathy and compassion and thru those words i gave myself another chance, a new hope at a life that neither contained addiction only thru the memories that i hold inside of my heart, i've tried to make right to all that i hurt along the way, that is basically all i can do, but i hope that some will just see the change and others will hear about the change, either way i still continue, someone told me give up all that i had and that i'd find so much more, well it's true, my life isn't perfect,neither is my story, but they both belong to me.  I'm not here to judge you on if your living your life right, that's not up to me.  What i am saying is if i can change so can you, hate the disease pray for the addict.
#onedayatatime

                                                              WHEN

when do you stop trying to help someone, when they won't help themselves , do you just wish them well and keep them in your thoughts and prayers? or hope that they'll see the light and start to care, for without the yearning it will cease to appear ?

Tell me you've never felt fear, explain to me how you've never cried,and how you've never experienced happiness from down deep inside, and i'll tell you your a liar. When i gave up drugs i didn't feel these emotions cause from inside i knew i was done. I kept drinking although not everyday i still kept drinking cause i was afraid, afraid to fall down, afraid i'd go back to the needle and spoon, even tried non alcoholic beer it sucked.can't stand these fucking energy drinks, they get me kinda stuck, told myself i'd only drink light beer, and have a whisky and coke here and there, never failed next morning my mind was thinking but my heart never was there, i always said just a few more nights, then i'll be able to stop and it will be alright, i made a conscious decision to take this next ride, it's really not that bad. What i wonder is does this happen to everyone the ability to feel all these emotions that were kept hidden deep down inside, hindering happiness and your ability to shed a few tears or just cry ? In my mind i was bulletproof a super hero with the power to even fly. One can never say they've lived if they have never tried. Expression seems to be the only thing that I've ever really had that came from down deep inside. I look at it this way a blessing in disguise, they say the phoenix arose from ashes, and so shall i , there will be a day that i to shall fly.

                                                               


                                                                     Story and a dream

Truth is no one ever says when i grow up, i am going to become a junkie, nor do their parents wish for this to happen.  I had a great childhood, the few things that I've always enjoyed were drawing, and music, and behold they still stand true to this day.  I hit a few major setbacks, experienced addiction and let me tell you i  never had a dime a day habit, everything i did, i went hard in the paint .  After destroying my life for over 35 years, i finally woke up, looked in the mirror, and realized i didn't recognize the person that i was seeing, anyways after many stints of incarceration , and many failed attempts i finally did it, although far from perfect, a constant work in progress, which i'm ok with.  I promised myself i would become a new person, and be honest about my mistakes in life, which isn't that easy. Anyways i tried and tried and finally seem to have found things that work for me.  I bought a camera and started taking pictures, and live my life thru the eye of my lens and thru the music i hear in my ears. Addiction promises only a few things , a distraught life, limited family support, incarceration and finally death. My only intent here is to spread the message of peace and happiness.  And hopefully help someone along the way thru my mistakes, so as they might not have to live their life as i did.  If you have a dream, don't stop believing keep trying and thru perseverance, you shall find the light that i to saw at the end of my tunnel.

   

H R Pufnstuf In 3D - Show Biz Witch

2/3/15

I'm a constant work in progress, i drink a few beers here and there, but i do me and let everyone else do them, I'm nonjudgmental, I'm not qualified to pass judgement, or access anyone, but can say honestly is I'm coming up to 3 years drug free, and I've found so many beautiful quality's i had forgotten even existed, and a few new ones i never knew, but honestly i wouldn't change a thing, addiction was part of my past, as well as my future, one must never forget from where they came from, maybe just focus on where their truly going,and decide just how to eventually get there.

1/29/2015

 You  never say when your little, your going to grow up to be a junkie, nor do your parents know that this is to be a true fact just waiting to be revealed, they never stop loving you any less, not everybody has the misfortune of finding this to be true, judgement can be so cruel at times, but i'd be willing to bet that if they walked a mile in my boots, they'd see life differently, life is never fair, nor promised, but i'm stating a true fact for everything i gave up in my past, i've been blessed with more 3x more, i'm grateful for the family i have, the true friends i have, the people who believed in me, when i didn't even believe in myself anymore, i guess it can be said that it's hard to see sunshine at the end of the day, when all your eyes have known is darkness, i'm feeling the sunshine and it feels ever so good,i look forward to everyday, wondering what it has in store for me, addiction is part of my past as well as my future, one must never forget where they come from, just wonder where their truly going, i was strung out, broken, and so truly lost, but now i am found. Pray for the addict still suffering, hate the disease. Let us all try and educate our youth, for without we have no future, love all you can, cherish all you love. It's my sincerest hope that thru my words, someone will find their way.